NCrackerAA: Round 1 Flight 3

October 21, 2013

Okay, whoa. Graham crackers, Triscuits original, AND Wheat Thins original in this round? All other crackers better ju-- HOLY MOLY RITZ ORIGINAL TOO?! Oh, forget it, everyone. I'm calling this round for Triscuits, Wheat Thins, and Ritz, because as much as I loved spreading butter on plain graham crackers as a kid, I don't think they have a chance now.

First off, Wheat Thins. So, while I know they are adored by many, Wheat Thins do very little for me personally. I don't hate them and I get their appeal, but they just don't figure largely in my life. They're tasty. That's about it.

Triscuits are my go-to crackers. We always have at least three boxes of them or their Whole Foods brand equivalent (which doesn't make us fancy, it just means we're sometimes too lazy or enchildrened to go to multiple stores) stocked in our cupboards. Triscuits + cheddar cheese + 45 seconds in the microwave = my ultimate late-night snack. I might throw a little minced scallions on top if I'm in a gourmet frame of mind, but it's just gilding the cracker at that point. Triscuits are as essential to my eating life as breathing is to my life life.

Oh but Ritz -- RITZ! Ritz are something special. They're so buttery-flakey-indulgent, they're the croissant of crackers. With Triscuits, I can toss a few on a plate and be sated, but with Ritz I'm in danger of eating multiple sleeves. Ritz are one of the few kinds of crackers that need no additional adornment. Sure, you can spread them with cream cheese, peanut butter, or a piping hot, paprika-topped artichoke dip, but it's wholly unnecessary. Ritz can just be.

Triscuits are my table wine; Ritz, my champagne. -- Keckler

*****

Brutal. This flight is brutal. And since it contains original Triscuits, original Ritz, and original Wheat Thins, there isn't really much to say, because I suspect a lot of voters will consider graham crackers a cookie or a limb of s'mores.

I will give a vote to Wheat Thins, but also one to Ka-Me's wasabi crackers, which pair so well with a cucumber slice; and one to Nip Chee, a snack that has the air of failed astronaut food and should really be used as a tool for post-flood clean-up, so effective is it at emptying the entire head of moisture…and yet I adore it. -- Sarah D. Bunting

Now go on over to Tomato Nation and register your vote in the NCrackerAA.