Hey, Stephen Colbert, where's your sense of national pride? Your duty to cone and country? Because Oregon Black Raspberry is thisclose to whipping AmeriCone Dream into a pile of melted ass cream!
|N.C. Double Scoop Round of 64: Flight 3 Write-Ups|
|August 16, 2008|
(I really didn't mean to make a diaper rash analogy. Sorry.)
But seriously, dude, you can't let a FRUITY ice cream run rough-shod over your sweet, sweet taste of life, liberty, and the pursuit of waffle cones! Come on! Dig down deep in your freezer and vote!
Well, in Flight 3 of the N.C. Double Scoop, we've got a newbie cult favorite, bacon ice cream, up against a classic, strawberry, honey-lavender vs. choc. choc. chip, and a recurrence of the dread candied fruit (SPUMONI!) among a whole host of other exciting pair-ups. Vote now, vote often, and always, if you're confused, check this and this out.
True confession time, when I was first became aware of Fast Times at Ridgemont High, I actually thought "Spicoli" was the same thing as "Spumoni."
1 Strawberry vs. 16 bacon. Bacon ice cream isn't appetizing to me -- even if I could eat it (can't; vegequarian), I'd probably pass, because it just sounds way too fatty. Strawberry all the way.
8 Rainforest Crunch vs. 9 pistachio. Tough one. Rainforest Crunch is a retired flavor, which may hurt its chances, but on the other hand many people despise pistachio. I'm not one of them, so I'm pulling the lever for pistash, but RC probably pulls it out.
5 Lime sherbet vs. 12 coconut. Huh. Presented with them both, I want to swirl them together and dunk a scoop of the combo into a vodka tonic, but which one is going to win? I'd vote coconut, but people who hate coconut fucking hate coconut. Close call; lime wins, despite being somewhat reminiscent of a trip to the senior center.
4 Neapolitan vs. 13 bubble gum. Anyone else remember when bubble gum debuted at Baskin Robbins? Talk about perfect kid-demo targeting! But then it kind of sucked, right? The ice cream base didn't taste all that good, and the bubble gum ranked just behind the antique shit in baseball-card packs in terms of chewability. And how the hell did they expect you to save it for chewing in the second place? You could either spit out the gum bits and make a gross, shiny pile on a napkin, or you could try to store the bits in your cheeks like a chipmunk. And if you eat the ice cream straight…well, you can't eat it straight. It's one of those crazy-sugary flavors that vibrates on a frequency only children can pick up. Neapolitan has its issues -- stop bulking out the carton with chocolate, Edy's! Equal portions of each; we're not all Homer Simpson, hello! -- but nothing approaching the neither-fish-nor-fowl (but sorta foul) 13 seed's.
6 Rocky Road/heavenly hash vs. 11 ginger (snap). Road/hash is one of those ice cream flavors that I like, but rarely eat, because there's always another flavor on offer that I like more. The chocolate base they use tends to taste cheap, in my opinion. Also, you've got the marshmallow- and/or nut-haters to factor in. It'll still win, I think, based on wider availability.
3 Peanut butter and chocolate vs. 14 tutti frutti. Tutti frutti contains candied fruit. Unacceptable. In fact, I should have ranked it lower. Like, 28,488th, right behind spider-web ribbon and poostachio. DIE, CANDIED FRUIT. PB&C in a rout.
7 Dulce de leche vs. 10 cheesecake. No idea how this one's going to go. Neither's a frequent buy for me -- too rich -- but any dessert that tries to replicate flan is a friend of mine, so I'll give dulce the edge.
2 Chocolate chocolate chip vs. 15 honey lavender. I don't expect an upset here, but honey lavender might make it closer than you'd expect. Some people, myself included, think a little chocolate goes a long way and a lot of chocolate goes too far; I'll probably vote for the 15 seed.
Voting is open for Flight 1, Flight 2 and Flight 3.