|Pssst! Wanna Buy Some Cheese?|
|February 16, 2006|
It's starting. The conversational ellipses followed abruptly by the conversational italics.
"Give me something...unique."
"I'm in the market for something...different."
"Show me something...interesting."
All of this is accompanied by Jazzercising brow wiggles, dramatic eye bugging, and a whole lotta nudge-nudge-wink-winking. "Crap -- did someone write an article about illegal cheeses again?" a fellow cheesemonger mutters to me. You can count on it.
First of all, I have to say that "illegal" doesn't necessarily mean "better than Jesus." Sure, there are stacks of firm and oozy cheeses we can't get our sweaty little hands on for various and ridiculous FDA regs that have very little to do with safe-guarding public health and more to do with buckshot happy politics, and yes, a lot of them are delicious and different and worth it. However, it is patently ridiculous to elevate all those cheeses to such god-like heights just because they are illegal. For one thing, while you're doing that and snubbing all the legal cheeses in the meantime, man, are you missing out on something.
I'm here to give my professional and overbearing opinion that there are so many amazing legal cheeses out there that you could eat one every day of your life and still not have tasted all of them. And by "every day of your life" I mean until you keel over from acute cholesteroleosis. The cheese in this country has never been tastier, smellier, or fabulouser. My two favorite cheeses at the moment are Morbier and Harmony Blue.
Yeah, yeah, you're all "been there, done that, had it on a dessert plate" with the Morbier but no. Just no.
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