The NC Double Shot Round of 64, Flight 4: Pl-Z

May 23, 2011

Here's the final flight of the first round. Peruse my write-ups below and go vote at Tomato Nation.

Confused? You can find answers here.

1 Screwdriver vs. 16 Vesper. I know the Vesper's going down hard here and I know full well Bunting only agreed to add it to humor my esoteric tastes, but it still sucks that it's up against the Screwdriver, a drink I happen to hate as it's one of the most boring drinks around. The Vesper -- which sounds so cool to say, somehow a combo of "whisper" and "Zephyr" in my mind -- was named after Vesper Lynde in Casino Royale. This drink is the origin of Bond's whole "shaken, not stirred" obsession. However, after Vesper proved herself to be one of those villainous Bond girls, Bond mourned her death by proclaiming, "The bitch is dead," and never drank another a Vesper. In or out of the glass.

8 Planter's Punch vs. 9 Singapore Sling. I actually have no opinion here. (I know, right? You thought I'd never shut up.) I do know that Planter's Punch is pretty potent stuff and that anything with rum and grenadine automatically reminds me of Hawaii. And that's a very good thing, so I'd probably order the punch over the cherry-liqueur-riddled Sling. Because: eeeeech. Also, I have this vague feeling that the Singapore Sling might be racist, but I don't know why. I can't get worked up about this match-up, so I hope someone out there feels passionately about the Punch or the controversial Sling. Hey, a punch could PUT you in a sling! …Nope, still not worked up.

5 Whisky / Pisco Sour vs. 12 Sidecar. Chi Psi's whisky-sour Wednesdays completely soured me on the entire culture of "sours," which is probably unfair, but whenever I drink one, I think of papers I should have been writing. The Sidecar, on the other hand, is one of those classic old movie drinks that I adore. If you aren't an Agatha Christie fan, you've probably never heard of it, but you should open up your ears and mouth to it. The sours will win, but it will be unfortunate.

4 Sea Breeze vs. 13 Shirley Temple. Admittedly, the one non-alcoholic drink in the bracket is not going anywhere, and we did include it just for nostalgia's sake, but do you remember what it was like to order it? To finally have something to drink beyond pop or water at restaurants? Some places in Minneapolis called them Kiddie Cocktails and speared the maraschino cherries and orange slices with plastic swords (the transparent ones were the best); my sister and I saved the swords and later used them to stage sword fights between our Barbie or Madame Alexander dolls. The Sea Breeze is fine. I mean, I enjoy cocktails with grapefruit juice in them, but there's nothing exciting about a Sea Breeze, you know? No pretending to be a grown-up at The Waikiki Room in the Leamington Hotel ["or Marco Polo Ristorante" -- Bunting], no plastic swords, no bloody battles between Letitia the Victorian Lady and Alice in Wonderland. It will win, though, because it's the one with alcohol. But if you're undecided here, vote Shirley Temple. Do it for the kids.

6 Tom Collins vs. 11 Rickeys. The Tom Collins brings up another sorority-based memory. It was the first non-rum-and-Coke cocktail I ordered, and I did it at an Alpha Delta Pi formal while wearing a black dress with purple velvet pansies. I ordered it a lot. A lot, a lot, a lot. And it didn't make me sick. I have always appreciated that about the Tom Collins. I've never had a Rickey -- I was suffering under the delusion that it was a non-alcoholic drink that curry houses always served -- but given that it is based on gin and fresh lime juice, I might have to rectify that rather soonish. Personally, it's a tossup, but I have a feeling we ranked TC appropriately, and he'll take it.

3 Sex on the Beach / Fuzzy Navel vs. 14 Zombie. I hate peach schnapps and I have a serious bellybutton phobia, so the vomitus interruptus drinks aren't getting my vote. The Zombie, on the other hand, is one of those tiki-room drinks that contains everything and the kitchen sink. It's also one of those drinks created by Don the Beachcomber in the '30s, which makes it retro, cool, and most likely to be drunk by the nearest hipster. But don't let that put you off! If anything, the Zombie is too aptly named, and you will wake up feeling as though someone or something has eaten your brains for breakfast. But before that happens, you will enjoy the sippage. Still, Sex on the Fuzzy Beach will win this one.

7 Tequila Sunrise vs. 10 Rob Roy. Tequila Sunrises make me think of one thing and one thing only: Madonna orders it right before she steals the priceless Egyptian earrings from the guy who is about to be murdered in Desperately Seeking Susan. Yes, I know there's an actual movie called Tequila Sunrise with a pre-stroke Raul Julia ["and an Eagles song" -- Bunting], but is that the movie I watched 47 times and made me aware of the wonder that was a young Aidan Quinn? I didn't think so. Since a Tequila Sunrise has a distressing amount of grenadine in it, and a Rob Roy is a bourbonless Manhattan (who DOES that?), I don't have a personal stake in this one. Objectively, the Tequila Sunrise will take it. Just because.

2 Sangria vs. 15 Sloe Gin Fizz. This is all I have to say about this matchup: anything with sticky, weird, Deliverance sloe gin is beyond disgusting, and sangria is the only way to eat fresh fruit. Sangria by a landslide. ["And to paraphrase Ben Franklin, white-wine sangria is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy." -- Bunting]