N Candy AA: Sweet Sixteen

April 15, 2010

Confused? Hungry? Searching for answers? Look no further. Bracket is here, voting is now.

1 Butterfinger vs. 5 Cadbury Crème Eggs. I think Butterfinger prevails here, now that Easter is over and the CCE isn't so much of a retail presence, but then, I didn't think the Eggs would get this far…and my sense is that people may prefer Butterfinger objectively, but have a stronger emotional attachment to the Eggs. Very tough call. Butterfinger by a nose.

14 After Eights vs. 2 fudge. Keckler made a gorgeous Proustian argument in favor of A8s last time around; I, sad to say, don't care that much, and prefer the cakey texture of fudge. (Hew.) We've seen the power of mint-chocolate in these snackets before, but I still think After Eights have breathed their Thin-Minty last.

1 Reese's Peanut Butter Cup vs. 5 See's/Whitman's Sampler. The See's Sampler, we've seen, has its passionate adherents. I've never had one, but I like Whitman's fine -- it's a sampler, full of promise (come to Mama, orange crème) and danger (fuck off, chocolate-covered cherry), with something for everyone. But it's almost impossible to find anyone who hates a PBC; you've got people who can't eat peanuts, but that's different. It's a perfect blend of salty and sweet, it comes in a bite-size version…it's brilliant in its simplicity. It isn't impossible that the Samplers could mount a challenge, but it probably is impossible that that challenge succeeds.

3 Peanut M&Ms vs. 2 Snickers. Oh my God, WHY do I have to write about this one?! I don't even want to VOTE on this one! I love them both so! …Okay, centering. So: Snickers has more formats (their ice-cream bar is delish); Snickers has caramel; Snickers is a bit better in terms of providing a big, chewy bite, if you care about that sort of thing, which I sometimes do. The peanut M&M, meanwhile, has a delicious candy coating, melts less messily, and is voiced by Vern Schillinger. (That this is the second Oz-cast reference in as many days around here is even weirder given the respective contexts.) If I can bring myself to vote, I will probably vote M, because when I think about it, I buy them more often than I do Snickers. But Snickers wins. …I have to lie down. — Bunting

8 Caramello/Caramilk vs. 5 M&Ms. I've already made my feelings clear about how boring I find peanut-less M&Ms, but M&Ms are beloved (I mean, they're in the White House, for crying out loud) and Caramelk just doesn't have the strength to beat such a classic candy. I think it's a fluke (or luck of the rankings) that Caremelk got even this far.

6 Kit Kat vs. 2 100 Grand. It's the crunchy versus the crispity here. Bunting doesn't get the attraction of crispity-crunch, but I'm all about contrasting textures, so I love it. Even in boring old Krackel and Nestlé Crunch. 100 Grand is way more interesting as a candy bar, but for some reason I'm putting my money on Kit Kat. (I'm so suggestible. I haven't had a Kit Kat in years, but I went out at 9:30 PM to get one last night. I tried to eat it in that very special way some of you have perfected, and found I simply don't have that kind of patience.)

1 Milky Way vs. 5 Twix. I don't even know who I want to win here. On the one hand, I get Milky Ways all the time (hew), and I can't remember the last time I ate Twix. On the other hand, because I can't remember the last time I ate Twix, I want to go eat one now. In fact, so badly do I want a Twix, I might not be able to rest until I get one. In terms of popularity, I put Milky Way on par with Snickers, so I think Twix is the loser here. (Still gonna go eat one, though.)

3 Three Musketeers vs. 15 Lindt/Lindor. Thinking he was being thoughtful (which: he was), the Evil Dr. Mathra brought me home a Lindt truffle he picked up somewhere. Problem was, it was so warm that the inside was sloshy liquid. I guess that might be appealing for some, but not for me. Not when I was expecting the usual ganache center. (I don't like food surprises.) It's sort of put me off Lindt for awhile as a result. That and the fact that a TN commentator called the Lindtor "greasy," which is so true and nothing I've ever thought of before. I'm surprised the Lindtor has made it this far, but I think this is where it finally meets its match. (BTW, "Lindtor" totally needs to be the name of some Scandinavian demigod who stamps around the countryside killing people with his fish breath.) — Keckler